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The Day From Hell

So today was an eventful day. Started out great,Jadie made me the yummiest protein shake with everything in it.
Than life showed up,arguments with my 20 yr baby. She's very much a child still. I knew today I'd need a drink.
Cameron likes to take things away from Zalen,he also likes to throw toys at him. I'm trying to teach him that he can't do this but I'm not sure I'm doing it right,that doesn't make sense but I seriously don't know.
Planned on making cupcakes but that didn't happen. But at the end of the night,Cameron n I took a nice hot bath together.
I forgot to mention that he had two falls today. Pretty serious falls,I'm shocked that the ER was part of my night. I still feel horrible about the events that occurred today. I so so so hope that tomorrow is different,maybe even wonderful.

I hate

I hate that I give you so much of me.
I hate that you have so much of my heart.
I hate that you're moody and it affects everyone.
I hate that you're an addict like me.
I hate that all your attention is directed on him.
I hate that you complain all week about one thing or another.
I hate that you stop complaining when you know your gonna see him.
I hate that you never want to do anything creative with me.
I hate that you don't feel inspired.
I hate that you need to have a boyfriend to feel whole.
I hate that you never follow through with anything you commit to.
I hate that you're depressed .
I hate that you wanna just leave home.
I hate that you make me feel lost.
I hate that you're selfish.
I hate that you're settling for a liar.
I hate that I can't stand him.
I hate that you feel to weak to find yourself.
I hate that you're not happy.
I hate that I feel so sad because you have no idea that you're moving so fast.
I hate that you have no faith.
I hate that you're easily manipilated.
I hate that I want to drink because you hurt me.
I hate that if you leave us in a few mos I know I'll just end up drinking to fill the void.
I hate that I hate so much,its so not healthy.

Windy Wednesday

Today started out grand,got a huge breakfast with all the fixins served to me in bed. It was big enough to share. Thank you Rosie!!
I'm lovin this weather but I've got quite the headache right now. I was suppose to be reading a book but I'm not. I've got a roast cooking n I hope it comes out yummy.
I really can't stand selfish people,I really try to surround myself with good people. Ahh but what are you gonna do?

Another Sunday

It's late but at least Cam doesn't have a fever. First day after a week straight. Bronchitis was just horrible for my baby. Long week but I'm grateful I'm able to take care of my babies. Im lucky and I'm blessed.
Jadie was crashed on the sofa and Cammy pulled himself onto the sofa to snuggle with his Sissy. So sweet.

Resentment

I have a sister who I allow to get under my skin. I don't know   exactly how it happened but all of a sudden I just realized that I don't want her in my life. I guess I just feel that life's too short to have negative people in my life. She's old and stuck in her ways. She's also very hurtful and I think she's jealous of how I'm close with my children. She knows exactly what to say to be hurtful and it just breaks my heart. I wish it didn't get to me the way it does but its eats away at my core. I just wanna scream at her and tell her everything that I've held onto,all the hurt I've carried with me since I was 15 yrs. Maybe i'll write her a letter. I just can't stand that I let people affect me like this. I wish I could be cold so it didn't bother me. But I'm always gonna take things to heart and she's always gonna be heartless so yeah.

Sick Day

Today was a sucky day,Cam woke up with a fever,just boiling,thanks Juli!!
I hate when lil ones are sick and there's not much you can do.
So tomorrow he has a doctors appt so hopefully its nothing serious.
I really hope that tomorrow is better cuz it sucked today.
Here's my Lil Sick Guy.