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The Day From Hell

So today was an eventful day. Started out great,Jadie made me the yummiest protein shake with everything in it.
Than life showed up,arguments with my 20 yr baby. She's very much a child still. I knew today I'd need a drink.
Cameron likes to take things away from Zalen,he also likes to throw toys at him. I'm trying to teach him that he can't do this but I'm not sure I'm doing it right,that doesn't make sense but I seriously don't know.
Planned on making cupcakes but that didn't happen. But at the end of the night,Cameron n I took a nice hot bath together.
I forgot to mention that he had two falls today. Pretty serious falls,I'm shocked that the ER was part of my night. I still feel horrible about the events that occurred today. I so so so hope that tomorrow is different,maybe even wonderful.

I hate

I hate that I give you so much of me.
I hate that you have so much of my heart.
I hate that you're moody and it affects everyone.
I hate that you're an addict like me.
I hate that all your attention is directed on him.
I hate that you complain all week about one thing or another.
I hate that you stop complaining when you know your gonna see him.
I hate that you never want to do anything creative with me.
I hate that you don't feel inspired.
I hate that you need to have a boyfriend to feel whole.
I hate that you never follow through with anything you commit to.
I hate that you're depressed .
I hate that you wanna just leave home.
I hate that you make me feel lost.
I hate that you're selfish.
I hate that you're settling for a liar.
I hate that I can't stand him.
I hate that you feel to weak to find yourself.
I hate that you're not happy.
I hate that I feel so sad because you have no idea that you're moving so fast.
I hate that you have no faith.
I hate that you're easily manipilated.
I hate that I want to drink because you hurt me.
I hate that if you leave us in a few mos I know I'll just end up drinking to fill the void.
I hate that I hate so much,its so not healthy.

Windy Wednesday

Today started out grand,got a huge breakfast with all the fixins served to me in bed. It was big enough to share. Thank you Rosie!!
I'm lovin this weather but I've got quite the headache right now. I was suppose to be reading a book but I'm not. I've got a roast cooking n I hope it comes out yummy.
I really can't stand selfish people,I really try to surround myself with good people. Ahh but what are you gonna do?

Another Sunday

It's late but at least Cam doesn't have a fever. First day after a week straight. Bronchitis was just horrible for my baby. Long week but I'm grateful I'm able to take care of my babies. Im lucky and I'm blessed.
Jadie was crashed on the sofa and Cammy pulled himself onto the sofa to snuggle with his Sissy. So sweet.

Resentment

I have a sister who I allow to get under my skin. I don't know   exactly how it happened but all of a sudden I just realized that I don't want her in my life. I guess I just feel that life's too short to have negative people in my life. She's old and stuck in her ways. She's also very hurtful and I think she's jealous of how I'm close with my children. She knows exactly what to say to be hurtful and it just breaks my heart. I wish it didn't get to me the way it does but its eats away at my core. I just wanna scream at her and tell her everything that I've held onto,all the hurt I've carried with me since I was 15 yrs. Maybe i'll write her a letter. I just can't stand that I let people affect me like this. I wish I could be cold so it didn't bother me. But I'm always gonna take things to heart and she's always gonna be heartless so yeah.

Sick Day

Today was a sucky day,Cam woke up with a fever,just boiling,thanks Juli!!
I hate when lil ones are sick and there's not much you can do.
So tomorrow he has a doctors appt so hopefully its nothing serious.
I really hope that tomorrow is better cuz it sucked today.
Here's my Lil Sick Guy.

Selfish

Sometimes I expect too much from my girls. I expect so much that I sometimes I feel like I've failed somehow . I guess I forget what its like to be young and though at times they seem selfish I'm beginning to see that they aren't the only ones.
See I want time with them too,I want to talk and relax without their lil boyfriends hanging on them. Because before u know,theyll be off in their own homes with their growing families. And they'll be the ones trying to savor every moment before its too late. I don't know why everything is so dramatic with me when it comes to my children,but I cling and its quite tragic . I hope they forgive me someday and that one day they'll understand.

Bathtime

So I have Cammy in the bath n you're probably wondering why write about it but just recently he started liking his baths again. He would scream bloody murder at the sound of the water being turned on.
So now I get to enjoy Mr. Littles having bathtime fun!

Sunday

Well today hasn't been that eventful but its still early. I think I want to work on my room,there's still clothes I need to put away and well I'd just like to pretty it up.

Wanting Change

I really want to take more time ,more time, yeah right!! I want to find time,make time to write. I know if I just take a few minutes each day I'll feel better. I just want to be creative,I have so many thoughts and I need to get em out. There's a lot more I'd love to do but if I could just start one thing,one thing, then all would be right in my World .

Lazy Saturday

Today my Love and I are taking the kiddies to the movie,Diary of a Wimpy Kid part 2. I'm excited !!! I love going to the movies!!! I swear one of these days I'm gonna go by myself, I will and I won't mind either cuz I'm a movie freak.Heehee

Cams Crib

Trying to get Cam use to his crib. For 16 mos he's slept with me n Riley.
I love his baby Einstein aquarium that hangs on his crib.
I'm in love with my babybear and I feel so fortunate to be in love with his Papabear.